Page the Nurse
by msjgatsby
Summary: The Graceland team spends a lot of times in hospitals. Sometimes you just need a nurse.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I wanted something light and silly. This for some reason came to mind. There's a couple more short chapters planned. It's almost finished. Just a little quick, fun, angstless piece. Probably takes place somewhere around 2x03 or 2x04 before things got too dark.

* * *

"You know, the way the doctor described it on the phone, I thought he was dying. I am going to murder that little shit."

Jakes grumbles as he sits embarrassed, with his head between his hands. Charlie and Paige sleepily flank him on the bench, both without makeup, sporting bedhead and sleepy yawns.

"I still can't believe you rushed us all out of there so quickly. Screaming we had to 'be there for the best man you know'." Charlie laughs at Jakes unwilling show of emotion that morning. Now that the adrenaline has calmed down and they knew Johnny was going to be fine (barely a scratch on him), they are having great fun at Jakes expense.

"I can't believe he has _you_ listed as his emergency contact." Paige smiles with a yawn. Johnny would do that just to piss Jakes off.

"Well he should change it, because I swear I will happily pull the plug on that little cretin if he ever does this to me again." Jakes grouses.

"Nope you're caught Jakesy. You love that little banger. You're like his surrogate father." Charlie says in a mocking singsong voice.

"Yeah, I think I saw tears." Paige grins, leaning her head back against the hallway wall, joining in the ribbing.

"If I had a son like that, I would get a vasectomy." Jakes lectures both the girls, but they both ignore him. "Can the doctor's just discharge him so we can all go home?"

"You know there has to be a report filed." Charlie says, patting him on the shoulder. "Patience. Mike and Briggs are working on it."

The morning had started off with the doctor's calling Jakes, of all people, to alert him that there had been an accident, and Johnny was in the hospital. To everyone's surprise, Jakes had run screaming through the hall, getting everyone out of bed to go to the hospital at about 4:30 am.

There was barely enough time for Mike to sneak out of Paige's room and convince everyone he had been out of bed, going on an early run. There was enough of a panic that no one seemed to question his choice to run without headphones or shoes.

Now Jakes, Charlie and Paige were sitting in the hallway of the hospital while Mike and Briggs talk to a doctor about Johnny's injuries and how soon he could be released. Johnny had been in a car accident while undercover, after Carlito had gotten coked up and decided to get behind the wheel. Mike and Briggs are trying to both get the necessary paperwork, and trying to hurry the process up so they don't risk Johnny's cover any more than they have.

As the girls look over to where their boys are debating with the doctor, a gorgeous redheaded nurse walks by and both Mike and Briggs follow her with their eyes.

"What is it with men and nurses?" Paige grumbles, feeling jealous that the woman had attracted Mike's involuntary appreciative gaze. "Every guy has a nurse fantasy. I don't get it. I mean, they draw blood and play with stool samples all day. How is that sexy?"

"Nurses are maternal, selfless, and comforting. Think about it. You're powerless and vulnerable. Unable to do anything but lie in a bed. They take care of you. They pamper you. They heal you. They bend in close over your bedside, and touch your forehead. Whisper 'you feel hot'. Ask if there's anything else you need..." Charlie lets her voice trail off.

Charlie's explanation takes on a slightly breathless edge as she explains the fantasy. Paige shifts uncomfortably in her seat feeling a little hot herself. Listening to the lust in Charlie's voice, she wonders, not the first time, if Charlie is maybe a little bisexual.

Still the idea sounds appealing. Paige looks over at Mike with his arms crossed across his chest in a way that makes the muscles in his arms stand out. Something about seeing him standing across a crowded room, unaware of her eyes on him, is incredibly sexy. She watches him listen to the doctor, nodding along, and lets her thoughts wander.

She pictures him lying in a bed in nothing but a hospital gown and a sheet. She imagines walking in, in a ridiculously pornographic nurses costume, staring at his chart while he stares at her. The way his heart monitor would speed up when he saw her. Him lying helplessly in the bed as she walked around him predatorily, dragging the curtain closed behind her as she circled. She would then crawl up the foot of the hospital bed, inching the sheet down with each move, until she finally straddled him and-

"It's the uniform." Jakes grunts, interrupting both women's silent fantasies.

Looking back and forth at the two women flanking him, he realizes they're no longer having a conversation. He sees the lust on each their faces, as they stare at the two men across the room, off in their own fantasy worlds. Jakes can practically see the two women plotting all sorts of deviant acts they can perform on their individual roommates in thought bubbles above their heads. Jakes worries he may be ill himself, because doesn't want to think about any of them in that way.

"Whatever. I'm gonna go grab a coffee and see if they have any Mars Bars left in the vending machine." He grumbles, knowing that the girls no longer are listening.

Sometimes, Jakes hates this damn house and everyone in it.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Ok, I lied. This chapter is somewhat angsty pike, and maybe out of place in this story. I hadn't written it at the time I wrote the first chapter, but I sat down to write the second chapter and this is what came out. But the rest is coming, and it will be ridiculous and light.

* * *

"No, the thing with Tuturro today isn't an issue... No it was just a little accident. No arrests were made. No one was seriously injured... The car was totalled, but what do you care? It was Solano's car, not the Bureau's... No, Tuturro was not driving... Yes, his cover is still in tact. If anything, he's closer to Carlito than ever." Mike is sitting at his desk, tapping his pen anxiously as he is lectured on todays bump in the road from Jess in DC.

He had tried to keep the doctor's from filing the report with the bureau or just holding it up in red tape for a while, but Jess had gotten her hands on it.

"How's everything else going out there?" Jess asks, finally done berating Mike for the car accident this morning. The one that was not his fault, except it was, because everything was his fault because it was his ass on the line here.

"Things are ok..." Mike says trying to be as vague as possible.

"You sure? You've been kind of bitchy these last few days." Jess observes, in her typical blunt way.

"Everythings fine. I'm just stressed with the case. I'm close though. There's still just a lot of work to be done."

"Well then wrap it up soon, so you can come back to me," She purrs into the phone, "I'll help you relieve some of that stress."

"I'm working on it." Mike's voice is strained as he tries to keep it neutral. He squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his forehead with his free hand, trying to dodge her flirting without raising suspicion, but feeling horribly guilty.

"Well, I'm a thousand miles away, but maybe I could be some help from here." She says seductively, and Mike silently begs her not to say the words he knows are coming next. "Take off your pants and I'll tell you what I would do to you if I were there."

"I can't. I have a lot of work to do tonight. I'll talk to you tomorrow." The words Mike tumbles out of Mike's mouth, and he wishes he could have thought up a better excuse, because he's pretty sure this is the fourth night in a row he's said something similar.

"Ouch." Jess's pride is clearly wounded, but Mike tries to brush over the subject.

"I'm sorry. I gotta go. I've got a lot of work to do, and if I don't get started I won't get any sleep tonight." Mike mutters the half-assed excuse quickly into the phone. This statement is at least partially true, though admittedly the work he has in mind he doubts Jess would approve of.

"Ok. Wrap it up quickly Mike. I miss you." This is the closest Mike has ever heard Jess coming to sounding sentimental.

"Night Jess." Mike hangs up the phone, and slams it down with a little more force than necessary. He lets out a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair as he leans on his elbows on his desk.

Mike doesn't know what to do about Jess. He knows telling her things are done now could endanger his mission. He really needs Jess's support back in Washington to get him the resources he needs. Yet somehow it all feels... wrong.

Mike rationalizes it's not really hurting anyone if he doesn't deal with it right now. Jess's on the other side of the continent, and they were never exclusive. Yet at the same time, whenever he speaks to her on the phone, he feels a pang of guilt in his stomach. Like he's betraying Paige. Which he shouldn't, because it's just talking. She's his boss. Plus, he and Paige haven't had any kind of talk about where this thing between them is going.

Mike isn't even sure where he wants it to go right now. If it were as simple as choosing between Jess and Paige, Paige would win in a heart beat. No competition. But it's not that simple. Mike technically still lives in DC, and after this case is wrapped up he'll need to return to his life. He doesn't know if Paige is even interested in a long distance relationship. He doesn't know if she's interested in a relationship with him at all for that matter. Last summer she didn't want one. Mike worries part of the appeal he has to Paige may be that he's just temporary. Last summer, after he'd kissed her, she had wanted him gone so badly she'd filed the DC transfer papers herself.

DC is obviously the place Mike needs to be to work his way up to the director's chair. Staying in Graceland he could still do good work, but professionally it would be a huge blow. Yet being back in Graceland feels right. He feels more alive here than he has in his months back in DC, being strangled by red tape.

For the first time in his life, Mike is honestly questioning whether there's a better path for him. Still Mike worries that this change of heart, is nothing more than him losing his heart to Paige Arkin. He doesn't know if he would be having such a quarter life crisis if not for her.

He tries to think about whether he would want to stay in Graceland without Paige, but it's impossible because he can't imagine the house without her smile. Mike is uneasy at the idea of restructuring his entire future around one girl. He's even more worried that he might offer to make the sacrifice, to stay here with her, and she might not want him.

Mike groans loudly as his head starts to hurt with all the unwanted thoughts. He shouldn't be worrying about this right now. He should be focused on his case file… Mike sits down looking at the pile of papers apprehensively. He's convinced he's going to get to work until he catches the time on his wristwatch. The papers will have to wait.

Mike grabs his bag and heads out the door of his room. Sneaking quietly down the hall, he heads upstairs. He's on a mission. Opening the door and slipping inside the dark room, he pulls a flashlight out of his pocket. It has to be in here somewhere…

"Gotcha." Mike says with a grin, as he discovers the prize he'd come in here for.

Just then the door to the dressing room opens, and Mike turns in shock.

He's caught red handed.

_Shit._


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: I wish this chapter was a little better edited, but I'm going to bed and wanted to get it posted quickly.

* * *

"Agent Warren," Briggs greets Mike calmly flipping on the light in the dressing room, "Working late?"

"Couldn't sleep. You?" Mike stutters. Embarrassed at being caught, he puts his now worthless flashlight away. The room is bright enough.

"I thought I heard something. Came to investigate. What you got there?" Briggs says, leaning up against the door frame inquisitively.

"Nothing! Just doing some inventory." Mike quickly shoves the material behind his back.

"At this time of night?" Briggs asks, nonplussed.

"Never hurts to be prepared. I'm done now. So I guess I'll see you in the morning." Mike tries to shrug past Briggs to get out the door.

"Maybe you should sleep in. Seems like you'll need it." Briggs says, in a smug voice. Mike stops and turns to give him a questioning stare. Did he know where Mike was headed? Before Mike can ask what he's implying, Briggs continues, "Aren't you and DJ taking those buses apart late tomorrow night? You'll need your rest."

"Right." Mike says with a relieved smile. "Thanks."

Mike is almost out the door to freedom when Briggs asks, "You going to sign that out?"

Mike looks down guiltily to the balled up piece of fabric he has in his hand. "Right, forgot I had this. You know, it's not that important. I wouldn't want to clutter up the books…"

"Ah, personal use, huh?" Briggs grins, knowingly.

"No, I was gonna bring it right back. It's-" Mike starts to stutter out an excuse, but the words die in his throat as Briggs reaches out and takes the other part of the cloth Mike's holding, and stretches it out to examine it.

"Doesn't look like your style Warren." Briggs raises an eyebrow at Mike as he examines the white lowcut nurses outfit Mike is holding.

"It's not for me." Mike says quickly, but instantly regrets it. The more he says right now, the more trouble he's in. He's never going to be able to come up with an excuse for this.

"You know the benefit of the 'no guests upstairs rule' is, if it's not for you, there's only a couple suspects left…"

"It's for Johnny!" Mike spits out quickly, before Briggs can mention Paige's name.

"Johnny? You're a bit freakier than I thought." Briggs was clearly not expecting this answer, but can't wait for an explanation.

"No! I mean, I figured with him in the hospital, I would get him a nurse stripper. Kind of a get-well present slash apology. With the case and Wayne being gone, he's just seemed a little down and I thought he'd think it was funny. Just a dumb idea for a prank." Mike explains.

"Well, I'm glad you got your sense of humor back, but I can't let you take that I'm afraid." Briggs says.

"You can't be serious. Briggs you break the rules all the time. It's one little prank." Mike groans.

"That's true, but you don't."

"Fine you want me to sign it out? I will." Mike really didn't want to put that he checked this outfit out on the chart, but it's not that bad in the grand scheme of things. He'll write illegibly and no one ever really looks at the record of whose borrowing what out of the costume room anyways.

"No, I mean I can't let you take that, because I need it." Briggs says, with no shame in his voice.

"You're joking." Mike cannot believe how hard Briggs is making this on him. He's already late to meet up with Paige. She had told him to come to her room tonight, and bring the nurse costume. He really hadn't asked too many questions after that.

"No joke. After all those hours at the hospital this morning, Charlie's in the mood for a little role playing." Briggs explains with a smug grin. Mike wants to punch him in the face. He envies Briggs ability to just come out and say that he's having kinky sex tonight. With Mike's outfit!

"I got here first." Mike says indignantly, clutching the sheer piece of fabric closer.

"Sex trumps prank. Tomorrow, if you're still in the mood..." Briggs seems to pause a little too long before he finishes his sentence, "...to prank Johnny, you can have what's left of it."

"You going to explain that to Johnny?" Mike asks, annoyed that he is losing this fight.

"Don't need to. That's bro code my man." Briggs states, reaching for the costume in Mike's hand. "JT knows the rules. He'd tell you the same."

"Briggs, can't you just grab some scrubs or something and play doctor instead? There's gotta be a middle ground here." Mike groans, still not letting go of the costume. "Don't make me pull rank."

"Ok, first, this is not an FBI issue. This is a house issue, and you're the newest here. So I outrank you. Second, don't try to pull rank. It makes you sound like a douche. Third, Charlie specifically said nurse costume." Briggs says. "Do you want to fight Charlie on this one?"

"Just tell her you couldn't find it!" Mike refuses to give up. Not when he's so close.

"Look Warren. One of us is having slutty nurse sex tonight. Now is it going to be me, or do you have something you'd like to tell me?" Briggs asks, yanking the nurse outfit in his direction.

For a moment, Mike glares at his mentor with narrow eyes. He knows Briggs probably knows about him and Paige, but he also knows if Mike admits it, Paige will kill him.

"Fine." Mike says letting go of the nurses uniform with a huff. He was beaten. Bro code clearly stated that the guy who was having sex won out over dibs, and since Mike has to keep his sex life a secret, he has no choice but to forfeit.

Mike considers just coming out with the truth. Saying he needs the nurse costume because Paige wants to wear it, and he very much wants to watch her wearing it while she does dirty filthy things to him. Mike has a feeling if he tells Briggs any of this though, Paige will be pissed off enough that she will never touch him again.

"Thank you!" Briggs chirps smugly, taking the costume in his hand and heading out the door.

"Are you going to sign that out?" Mike yells annoyed as Briggs turns to leave.

"Nope! I'm a rule breaker." Briggs calls back confidently, leaving Mike alone and frustrated in the costume closet.

Crap. Paige is going to be pissed. He promised her he would do this _one thing_ and he failed. Paige would never forgive him after this. How was he going to fix this?


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Sidebar, does anyone else have an impending fear they're going to try to make Paige and Jakes a couple this season? I'm going to be so annoyed if that happens.

* * *

"What took you so long?" Paige asks, when Mike finally sneaks through her door.

She had started to worry she'd been abandoned for the night. Which would have seriously hurt her pride. Especially after Mike's reaction to the fantasy she had described on the car ride back from the hospital. If he'd been driving, he would have driven off the road. Luckily he was in the backseat with her, and Paige had gotten to watch his jaw drop and his eyes widen in the reflection of the rearview mirror as she whispered the dirty plan in his ear.

"Change of plans." Mike grumbles, making sure to lock the door behind him.

"Where's the nurses outfit?" She asks. He better not be telling her it was off. She'd been fantasizing about this all day. She could barely keep her hands off of him.

"Briggs came in after me. Said he needed it." Mike admits, still grumpy from losing the battle of wits with his mentor earlier.

"Briggs?! Dammit Charlie!" Paige swears when she realizes that Charlie apparently had the same idea as Paige earlier that day. "Why did you let Briggs take it? You were there first."

"Well yeah, but he came in and I didn't know what to do! He asked me why I needed it." Mike explains, setting down the bag he now brought for overnight visits. He always brought a change of clothes and some work with him, because he was a boyscout. He said he wanted to be prepared if anyone caught them.

"Did you tell him about us?" Paige asks nervously.

How long could Mike and her keep this act up? When they first started this, it looked like he'd be leaving within a week or two. She figured they could keep it a secret for that long, but now two weeks have passed, and there's not an end in sight yet. She didn't want to come out about their arrangement if he was just going to leave immediately after.

"No, but I'm pretty sure he knew." Mike runs a nervous hand through his hair.

"What did you say? Did you cover?"

"I said I was hiring a stripper for Johnny as a get well present!" Mike exclaims running a hand down his face, as he recalls the embarrassing scene with his mentor.

How did Briggs make everything look cooler than him? Even getting caught searching for sex aids for to fulfill his girlfriend's fantasy. Mike had turned red, and Briggs had confidently just informed Mike that he was going to get laid.

"Shouldn't the stripper bring her own outfit?" Paige asks, with a grin.

"Look I was thinking by the seat of my pants. Ok? Dammit. Now I have to get Johnny a stripper!"

Mike groans as he realizes he will have to see this lie through. How much do strippers cost? Where would he even find one? Usually the person he would go to for these sorts of things, was Johnny himself.

"So why didn't you get the outfit then?" Paige asks, crossing her arms and pouting.

She had been working on her dirty nurse puns all day long. She had planned this out. She'd developed a character with a history and everything. She was going to be Nurse Randi. She'd even practiced a sexy accent that was a mix between Marilyn Monroe and Kathleen Turner. The fact that all this preparation was going to waste was not making her happy. She briefly considered busting down Brigg's door and demanding Charlie wait her turn.

"Because Briggs said him getting laid trumped me." Mike says, obviously upset he had disappointed her.

"But you were getting laid!" Paige reminds him.

"Did you want me to tell him that?!" Mike demands in frustration, crossing his arms and staring down hard at the beautiful woman on the bed. His voice is a bit too loud, and he wonders why he's yelling at her all of a sudden. They had both agreed to keep this a secret, it wasn't her fault. He waits impatiently for her response.

When she finally shakes her head 'no' he's surprised that he's strangely disappointed. He didn't realize how much he wanted her to want him to tell people about them. He's in deeper than he thought.

He doesn't know what Paige wants from this relationship. The sneaking around and secret hook ups are fun, but the at the same time, the secrets also are one more thing for him to worry about. He envies the freedom of Charlie and Briggs to be open with their relationship.

If he had just been able to tell Briggs about him and Paige's relationship, then right now he could be having sex with Nurse Randi (she'd teased him with the name in advance, and he approved) and not thinking about how he'd have to buy Johnny a stripper.

Still, he can't deny the look of her pouting silently on the bed is strangely endearing. Calming himself down, he walks over to sit next to her on the bed.

"I'm sorry…" Mike whispers, kissing her shoulder, and running his fingers down her arm. With a laugh he admits, "I just really wanted to get you that damn costume. I've been thinking about you in it all day."

"Oh yeah?" She asks, turning in towards him, her mood seeming to lift a little.

"Yes, very distracting…" He murmurs, leaning in to kiss her. "I was filling out some pretty important paperwork at the time. There's a chance I may have ordered Johnny to go looking for the Solano's in China rather than Mexico."

"Mmmm… Johnny would like China…" She mumbles absentmindedly as Mike kisses up and down her neck.

"I'm sorry I let you down with the nurse outfit. I'm sorry I yelled." Mike says softly, resting his forehead against hers, he asks shyly, "Can I stay anyways?"

"I'm sorry too. I know you did the best you could. I guess we can just have normal sex... If we have to." Paige sighs.

"Gee thanks." Mike rolls his eyes as he pulls away from her to stand up.

"I was just looking forward all day to giving you a sponge bath." Paige sits up on her knees on the bed, wrapping her arms around Mike's neck and kissing him on the lips softly. When she pulls away he stares at her with adoring eyes.

"I was going to ask where it hurt. Offer to kiss it and make it all better…" She continues, using just a touch of the accent she'd worked so hard on. She kisses him down his neck and he groans as her lips suck on the spot below his ear.

"Maybe give you a prostate exam." She slaps his ass playfully, and laughs when he jumps.

"I'm starting to think it's a good thing I let Briggs keep the nurses outfit." He teases as he pulls away and walks back across the room towards his bag.

"Come back! You'll like it! I promise!" Paige giggles, reaching out for him. "Just turn and cough."

"You're going to have to get a lot more booze in me before I let you try that, Arkin." Mike says, avoiding her reach. Paige smirks, surprised he might be willing to try something like that at all. She wonders if there's anything he wouldn't let her do to him.

"Ok, so no nursing tonight, but…" He reaches down into his bag and pulls out some outfits. "I brought some other options. What do you think? Nun, Stewardess, Maid or Cheerleader?"

"What's the difference between the Stewardess and the Maid?"

"One has a feather duster." Mike says, pulling the prop out of his bag.

"You found all these costumes in the prop room?" Paige asks, skeptically. Walking over to examine the choices Mike holds in his arms, she looks over them critically.

"Yes. I don't want to think about what cases these were worn on." Mike admits as he holds them up for Paige's inspection.

"Aren't you catholic?" She asks, surprised by the nun choice. The habit Mike chose looks real, not sexual at all, unlike the other obviously slutty costumes.

"Technically." Mike says, already feeling aroused at the anticipation of what the night may hold ahead for them and which costume Paige might choose.

"And this would do it for you?" She asks, looking critically at the habit and cross. "You didn't get spanked with a ruler in church as a child or anything right?"

"Not yet, but I'd let you try if you want... Any of these costume doing it for you?" Mike asks, wanting to get past the wardrobe issues and progress to the next part of their evening.

"I don't know… Maybe we should just skip it." Paige sighs.

"You sure? You really were into the nurse idea." Mike asks, hoping she doesn't mean skip the whole night all together.

"Ok, this is going to sound really dumb, but I'm just not sure I can switch character's that quickly to make it worth it." Paige says, feeling bad for saying it, because she knows Mike tried to fix it for her. Unfortunately she is still disappointed she won't get to listen to his heart race through a stethoscope. On another night, one of those costumes might be fun, but she had her heart set on nurse Randi and the idea of changing gears so quickly to a nun or cheerleader just makes her want to pout.

"Yep. I thought you might say that." Mike says with a sigh, setting the costume choices aside. "Which is why..." He ruffles in his bag and comes out with a new handful of props "I thought maybe you'd prefer me to get in character. Which would you prefer? Airforce Mike or..."

"You're the best!" Paige squeals before he can finish presenting her options. She throws her arms around his neck and kisses him passionately, suddenly very excited for the evening again. She loves the fact that Mike knows her so well, and is willing to put up with her craziness. Grabbing the cowboy hat from his hand, she places it on his head. With a sexy wink, she purrs, "Take me for a ride cowboy."

* * *

"Did you get it?" Charlie asks enthusiastically.

"Yeah, Mike fought me for it though. They still don't think anyone knows about them." Briggs rolls his eyes.

If those two thought they were fooling anyone, they were worse secret agents than he thought possible. Even walking by Paige's door just now, he could see shadows moving together against the fogged glass door. He was fairly certain one of them was wearing a hat. The animals couldn't even wait to get to the bed.

"Forget them. I have plans for you tonight…" Charlie says with a grin, lounging seductively on the bed, "Now, tell me, is that a tongue depressor in your pocket or are you just happy to see me, Nurse Briggs?"

"Ok, but next time…" Briggs sighs as he drops his robe to the floor, "you're wearing the outfit."


End file.
